If this is true, one thing you can do is to stop taking things from him for your convenience. He's a very unpleasant person to be around and whenever I see him it's because he's offered to do something for me. It then occurred to me, I am just using him. And there's a next time just around the corner. (That's why a rich emotional vocabulary is a gift to a child.)ĭoes it really matter? It's happening Assigning blame - or blamelessness - won't help prevent this next time. Recognizing your true emotions is the first step in learning to deal with them.
But it's healthier to seek the underlying cause of anger and address it, as uncomfortable as it may be. Anger directs things outward and gives a false sense of power over a situation. The common primary emotion is to feel disrespected or frightened, and this is quickly replaced by anger. Imagine someone unknowingly cuts you off in traffic. I can't guess what is happening in your father's mind, but those things are worth considering. (There is such a thing as righteous anger - which is primary - but that's a different story.) Some primary emotions that commonly precede anger include hurt, feeling unloved, disrespected, helpless, frightened, and more. If you want to cut down on some of the conflict, learn to ask questions about important details learn to anticipate potential problems.Īnger is a secondary emotion (some experts disagree some experts classify it as I did.) That is, most of the time when something upsetting happens, we aren't immediately angry there's something that comes before, and it's uncomfortable, so we quickly shift to something less uncomfortable: anger. Don't assume you know his motives for saying the things he says.
Don't assume he'll do more than he stated. I wouldn't add anything else for fear it might be misinterpreted.Īssume nothing when it comes to your dad. It was a gift, and he deserves your gratitude. Your father and you do not communicate effectively, and assigning blame - or searching for affirmation - will do nothing to bring these altercations to a halt.Ībsolutely thank him for the bed. There are problems here, it's obvious from this and prior questions. Anyone who thinks it is, is childish them self. Why? My dad blatantly swore at me and because he had offered to do something for me isn't an excuse. I can't help but notice a lot of answers to my questions seem to take my parent's side. I guess we're living in the same city now so that's why it's on my mind. The above (and my other questions) are examples of my dad's continuing behavior. I need/want more respect from my dad (and my mom) how should I get it from them? Fail that, how do I effectively distance myself from my parents?.If he hadn't freaked out at me I would have been happy to have a conversation with him and relax. My dad then sent me a text message saying how manipulative I am and how I'm just using him. Or I could have just put the new mattress on top of the old one. If I had known my dad was so against carrying the old one out I could have got someone I live with to help or a friend. It turned out I was able to carry everything by myself so that was no problem. He even commented how he's screwing me over. He got mad and helped take my old bed out but left without helping put the new one in.
We got in an argument and I told him he can go yell at my landlord if he wants because in my opinion she has done nothing wrong. What I didn't like is how he started swearing and telling me I should yell at my landlord because I'm doing her work. But he insisted it was my responsibility to already have the old bed moved out. He had agreed to help carry the new bed up the stairs so it seemed logical to assume he would help carry the old one out. He got really mad that my old bed was still in my room. He arranged a time to drop it off and I was home waiting for him. I am very grateful for this, beds cost a lot of money. I live on my own now and my dad said I could have a spare bed he has. I think it's best to tell the story before asking the question.
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